So I’m carrying around several lemons in my ovaries and it’s not very comfortable. I am the home of the giant follicle, and with another 36 hours to go before retrieval I’m considering downing a bottle of rubbing alcohol, grabbing the fruit knife and getting those suckers outta there myself. They’re getting so big I think they are planning to stage a coup and take over my entire body.
It’s not uncomfortable. No more ‘uncomfortable’ than applying a hot iron to one’s face would be. It’s fucking painful and if this was a perfect world then I would get to lie on a big white bed and have mignons bring me grapes and panadeine forte and strawberry milkshakes all day long and I wouldn’t ever have to waddle around with a gut full of lemons. Seriously, these follicles are like 5cm each. Baby lemons, yes, but if you want to argue the point with me then I will come over and wee on your front door mat out of pure frustration. They hurt.
And there’s just no exercising with these bastards in there. It’s like the Germans have invaded and are fucking everything up. As Germans are wont to do. I tried doing star jumps and managed one before I doubled over. Then I just decided to do the arm movements instead of the jumping as well, and ended up like a wind turbine. A council officer came over and asked to see my permit. So I’m giving up on exercising for a few days. But then I’ll get fat. Fuck you, Germans.
And then, James started saying the wrong thing. Everything anyone says at the moment is the wrong thing, granted, but really?
Me: My ovaries hurt. These giant follicles are killing me.
James: You remind me of the crayfish I caught as a kid, with their tails full of eggs.
Me: That was not the right thing to say, asshole.
James: Don’t worry. I always threw those ones back.
Quickly followed up just minutes later by:
Me: *dangling my foot in front of James’ face* Do you like my new slippers?
James: They sure are purple.
Me: Are they?
James: Yup. With a black sole with a blue ‘Bonds’ written on it. See? A black soul. Just like yours.
It’s pretty mean of him. I think he’s got some German in his heritage. He’s certainly got some stupid in his heritage. When I get my physical prowess back, I’m going to beat him like a Salvation Army drum.
NB: I don’t actually have anything against Germans. Well, besides a couple of bigarse wars. And them hating on Jewish people. And that smug look Germans always have. Don’t they always look just so fucking smug? And they need more vowels in their language. Can’t understand a fucking word. Like they’re talking with marbles in their mouths. Hmmm. Turns out I don’t like Germans much at all. I’m sure the modern ones are perfectly nice. When they’ve got that fucking smug look off their faces. I’m just angry. Maybe I have some German in my heritage.
ladyblogalot.com 
While it may be tough to remember while the Germans are torturing your and your ovaries, the fact that they’re big and painful is actually a good sign… .lots of eggs!
Sorry you hurt though. Maybe yoga pants, (with their infinite stretchiness) would help?
I’m German, but not taking it personally. I’ve been there. I get it. Man, I sure hope all of this ends up being worth it!!!
I hate the “full of eggs”feeling. Retrieval will bring relief, the sweetest relief.
Hang in there, lady. When they go in and suck those follicles out (and take the Germans right along with them), it’ll all be worth it. And hopefully give you some relief!
I was told this morning that my ovaries are the size of grapefruits right now. I feel your pain. Hello heating pad.
I hope they retrieve your lemons before you do an at-home job with a kitchen knife!
Hang in there! You’re almost there!
People with German accents have always frightened me.
Those ovaries sound wicked awful painful.
Best of luck with hanging in there and not doing self-surgery with a kitchen knife. Hope the retrieval goes well!
Hey Katie girl,how’d it go today? Been with you Both all day in my heart,AND if there is German ancectery thier you’ve help me fathom who my bloody father is, 1 bloke of my be 20, yep my birth mother was a real charmer lol.No seriously Kate I started eating half a lemon each morning 2 weeks ago,maybe a connection there 😉 call me !!!!! xxx luv ya both heaps.