Long story short, I got pregnant on my third IVF and am now 20 weeks but haven’t blogged because my anxiety starts screaming at me that I’m jinxing it. I can’t even put into words how much pain that causes.
Also there was that whole thing about being unable to get out of bed for ten weeks because of chronic morning sickness. I threw up all day, all night. Anywhere, anytime. In the bathroom, in the sink, in a sick bag, in a bucket, on the floor, out my nose. I spewed so much even the cat started to look at me like ‘you are disgusting.’
So last night I was in the shower and thought that I should finally write something brief about it and get it over and done with and hold my breath and wait for the God of jinxing to do his thing. But then I got all distracted because I was washing my face and pressed too hard and pulled one side down like I was having a stroke, and then worried that it would actually trigger a stroke because who knows how muscle memory actually works?
But then James came in and I asked if I have stretchmarks on my kidneys yet from my gigantic belly and he said yes. But then he said that even with all the stretchmarks, I’m beautiful. But I think it’s just that the cat got at his glasses and chipped the lenses so now he sees the world like a fly does, through tiny multi-faceted kaleidoscope eyes – and that crazy-arsed shit would make anything look beautiful.
Okay I don’t’ want to risk any more jinxing, so here is a normal story from last night at the supermarket:
James: I have a cut on my finger.
Me: You need antiseptic cream, put it on the shopping list.
*in the last aisle of the supermarket*
James: I think that’s everything on the list.
Me: *sensing a packed aisle* NO YOU’VE FORGOTTEN TO GET YOUR HEMORRHOID CREAM.
James: *stares at me in horror* Nice.
*in the medical aisle*
James: Oh a razor, I need that. And we need more Panadol. Is that it?
Me: No, you’ve forgotten the cream.
James: *unnaturally loudly* I DON’T HAVE HEMORRHOIDS!!!
Me: the antiseptic cream. I meant the antiseptic cream. But this is seriously the joke that just keeps on giving.
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